PUNTA GORDA – Normally a shy, retiring figure dressed in odd scraps of old clothing, author Malcolm J. Brenner awoke Monday morning to realize that his hitherto-cult novel “Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover,” had gone viral.
“Hell, it even made the Hindustan Times. How much more far out can you get than that?” Brenner exclaimed in astonishment. ”I had to write them quickly and assure them that no kissing was involved, in order not to offend everyone on the subcontinent.”
Brenner read 833 comments about coverage of his novel on the Huffington Post’s web page. ”From the tone of those comments, you’d think I’d opened the floodgates of Hell,” Brenner said, “rather than just describing how a close, personal relationship developed between two warm-blooded mammals. I mean, I haven’t even gone outside my biological class here. It’s not like I had sex with an amphibian or an invertebrate, so what’s all the fuss about?”
Brenner moved to correct several errors in press reports.
“The novel is in its fifth printing,” he said. ”I’ve sold around 250 paperback copies and around 50 e-books.”
“Furthermore, I did not have sex with the dolphin for the full nine months of the relationship, as some sources have reported. I kind of wish I had, because she was certainly up for it,” Brenner added, “but I was too focused at the time on trying to be normal, which is hard on a relationship like that.”