What do you do when you realize you’ve been a dick so long after the fact that it would be pointless to apologize about it?
I find myself in that position now, as I review the videos I shot during a trip to Bimini in 2005. Cay and I went with a group through Dolphin Expeditions, which specializes in taking people to swim with wild dolphins in the Caribbean. And they do a very good job of it too, never interfering with the dolphins but allowing them to initiate and maintain contact at their leisure.
I wish I’d had the same “hands-off” philosophy, but I was determined to make a documentary video no matter how everybody else felt about it. As a result I behaved rather obnoxiously, sticking my camera in people’s faces, shooting conversations that people would rather have had privately and generally making the other passengers uncomfortable. I can see it now, reviewing the videos, why wasn’t I aware of it then? Cay even tried to make me aware of how I was behaving but I wasn’t into listening. Hell, I even asked the other passengers to sign model releases in case I wanted to use the footage in a “real” video! Most of them were good sports about it, but in retrospect I don’t know why they didn’t just throw me overboard.
I’m so embarrassed, now, that I have lost my enthusiasm for editing the rest of the video. And I feel like I need to apologize for my behavior to everybody else on the trip. So, although it may come eight years too late, I want to apologize to our captain, Geoffrey, first mate Tita Diminik, facilitator Laura Scott and fellow passengers Gary Bettega, Milton Higgins, Dido Fischer, Barbara Stelmah, Joann Ng and Rene Landry. I was a jerk with my video camera, and I’m sorry about it.
Tags: Bimini, documentary, dolphin, expeditions, swim, swimming, trip, vacation, video
Stop beating yourself up for mistakes made eight years ago. It is clear that you’ve learned from them or else we wouldn’t be here now.
Here’s why you’re kicking yourself : Assholes will only ever expect the worst from you and will consequenlty log every minor flaw and infraction in your character or behaviour and make sure they let you know about it, usually with micro-aggressions.
Keep in mind : While those kind of people have got the thumbs on you; scrutiny of their own peccadilloes and hypocrisy is minimised.
We’re all assholes in one way or another. The most important thing is that we realise it – or at least be prepared to acknowledge it – and continue to improve ourselves. Most people will never get that far in one lifetime…but you’ve demonstrated that you do possess the potential to evolve so stop self-blaming and focus upon your new projects.