On Saturday, I spent most of my remaining money going to see a digitally restored print of David Lean’s epic 1962 biopic Lawrence of Arabia, and it was money well spent. What a fucking amazing, inspiring movie. Bad history, so-so biography (like all Hollywood movies) but a great entertainment. Four hours later, I came out of the Castro Theatre humming Maurice Jarré’s sensuous, alluring soundtrack music. I spent this morning poring over Web sites about Panavision cameras, 65mm film, Technicolor and my favorite movie, Stanley Kubrick’s 1968 opus 2001: A Space Odyssey, also filmed in 65mm widescreen.
This brought back a lot of memories about my college career and my youth, when I aspired to be a filmmaker like Kubrick, but of course lacking any real ability to deal with people, or to control my emotions when dealing with them. I was so self-centered, I had no facility for compromise and very little empathy for anyone other than my narcissistic self. I started a lot of film projects that never finished, and when my career lay in tatters I turned to other, less fulfilling things, things that paid the bills, even if just barely.
Lawrence of Arabia is, of course, about a man who comes to believe his own propaganda until he finds out he is human, like everyone else. The realization breaks him, and he can no longer function in the world he created for himself.
I’m not in mourning for my lost youth, I’m in mourning for my lost dreams. Losing one’s youth is inevitable. Losing one’s dreams is not.
Tags: 2001: A Space Odyssey, 65mm, Castro Theatre, David Lean, dreams, Lawrence of Arabia, Maurice Jarré, Panavision, Peter O'Toole, soundtrack, Stanley Kubrick, T. E. Lawrence, Technicolor, youth
Hugs to you my friend. My hubby is a huge Kubrick fan too. I will tell you what I always tell him: You do know that as long as you’re alive, you can still work toward achieving any dream, right? No? Well, it’s true. As long as you have breath in your lungs and a pulse in your veins, anything is possible. Never, ever, ever give up on something you feel so deeply drawn to in your heart! I hope you had a good Yule and I hope 2013 brings much peace, wellness and prosperity.
Love and Light,
Delphine
Delphine you are a lighthouse of cheerfulness on an island of hope in the middle of my gloomy seas. My problem seems to be I am no longer sure what my dreams are or what I can, and should, do with myself to make an honest living. Thanks for all the good thoughts, and I hope 2013 brings you good times and the fulfillment of your dreams!
“…Losing one’s dreams is not.”
It’s not? Huh.