Archive for the ‘Moaning’ Category

Rage

Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

I can’t eat, I want to throw up. There’s no food in the house, anyway.  Bitter rage fills my waking hours, and my sleep is haunted with bad dreams.  Vision of death and destruction rise before my eyes, and I am not talking about dolphins, I am talking about those who kill and imprison them.

Sometimes the haze clears and I can think clearly for a little while. Then I break down in tears.  Anything can make me cry.  A beautiful sunset that I will never see again.  The fate of the dinosaurs.  The misery much of the world’s population endures.  The thought of war, any war, and brave innocent men dying so fat cats can inevitably get fatter.  Then, I want to tear someone’s throat out.

I’m trying a new medication for mood control, actually one I’ve used successfully before.  But it doesn’t seem to be helping.  Perhaps the dose is too low, or I haven’t given it enough time.

Money is tight.  There’s little food.  Every time I eat meat I feel guilty, but I cannot bring myself around to full vegetarianism, much less veganism.  I look for jobs on Craigslist.  I found a couple of good gigs, one photographing condominiums and houses for a rental company in Colorado, but after a couple of shoots the work seems to have dried up.

Like last  year, I dread the onrushing summer.  I lie on my thin futon mattress, sometimes for hours.  As long as I am immobilized, I cannot get into trouble or do anything bad.  Outside, the grass is growing longer, and vines wrap themselves around the trees and bushes.

A month ago, I had an episode of racing heartbeat. I tried to “convert” it, that is, make it return to normal, by myself, but nothing I did helped.  My friend – my then-friend – Cay drove me to the hospital.  My heart was doing 180 beats per minute when they admitted me to the emergency room, and my left shoulder felt like some giant animal had seized it in its jaws.  They administered some medication, which made the tachycardia stop, but soon after they moved me upstairs to recovery it started again and I spent the night in intensive care, surrounded by strange machines, noises and blinking lights.  I was so tired, I slept anyway.  They kept me for two days and left me with about $8,000 in bills I cannot pay because our wonderful governor, Rick Scott, decided not to involve the state in the Affordable Care Act.  Just before this happened, I had checked how much it would cost me to get health insurance the way things are set up: $418 a month, more than half of what Social Security pays me.

I hate Republicans and everything they stand for.  They all seem to be liars, racists, sucking off the middle class and reducing us to poverty.  Just look at the last pair we had in high office, W. and The Torturer.

And then this happened:  My friend Dieno, a 65-year-old man who works as a doorman for a posh apartment building in New York City, came down to visit for his annual vacation.  Dieno had purchased the house one down and across the street from me, where he plans to retire.  He introduced me to Cay 10 years ago, and she lived with me for five or six years before I threw her out for her horrible bouts of alcoholism.  Now Cay lives in Dieno’s house.  Well, when Dieno arrived, Cay went on a bender that lasted two weeks.  It was horrible.  She lay around naked in her own vomit and let her dogs shit everywhere, just like she used to do when she lived here.  She cursed Dieno and raged at him for no reason. This man has given her a car and a place to live, and this is how she treats him?  So as a result Dieno’s vacation went to hell, and he had a miserable time playing nursemaid and bartender.  I would have let Cay suffer, let her get into her car to try to get some beer all by herself.  See how far she would have gotten, dead drunk.  I don’t know why Dieno enabled her the way he did, he believes in a god he has to answer to, but I don’t.

As a result, I can’t even talk to Cay any more.  My number of friends seems to be dwindling, and I am so afraid of being alone.

“Go fuck yourself, Mr. Brenner!”

Friday, May 2nd, 2014

(This is what happened when I took my petition to the Taiji Dolphin Action Group on Facebook.)

Thank you for allowing me to join the group! I have put a lot of thought into how to end the dolphin massacres, and as a result I have created this petition to end my home state of Florida’s official relationship with Wakayama Prefecture. I think this is the ONLY way to send a clear and persuasive message that the Japanese government cannot ignore! Please read the petition, sign and share, and thanks for all your concern and efforts on behalf of the dolphins. NOTE: You do not have to be from Florida to sign the petition! Anyone can sign.http://www.change.org/petitions/brad-piepenbrink-executive-office-of-the-governor-of-florida-end-florida-s-sister-state-relationship-with-wakayama-prefecture-japan

  • Steven Thompson The FACT that Florida and Wakayama (where Taiji is) have an official Sister State relationship is extraordinary! I had no idea. 

    This is a pressure point that could flow badly to encourage the Taiji hunt…

    This is what happened about 5 years ago when a major Dolphin organization encouraged the town of Broome Australia to break the Sister City relationship with Taiji, Wakayama. In my opinion, the plan was not thought out clearly, and the Broome City council members ended up losing their jobs with pro-Taiji people being voted in. 

    Or this pressure point could flow positively in terms of just making Floridians aware that they have more to say about the future of Dolphins than perhaps they knew. 

    The current governor’s race in Tallahassee, Florida will culminate on Nov 4th. There is ample time to focus an issue in this race to be about Taiji. 

    For example:

    <<<Should Florida help to end the Dolphin hunt in their Sister State, Wakayama in Japan?>>>

    If the challenger to incumbent Gov. Rick Scott (maybe (Charlie Crist) took issue with this, it would influence awareness of the Dolphin issues and maybe the election.
  • Malcolm J. Brenner Now you’re seeing it the way I do. I intend to put both candidates on record about this, one way or the other!
  • Malcolm J. Brenner Now at least I know what I’m up against! “Mission Impossible,” anyone?
  • Jeremy Olson we dont believe in the word impossible. Great job thinking outside the box. There are a good group of Floridians that stand against the dolphin slaughter that are in this group. I am working with a political campaign manager that is assisting me with a website. I would love to put him in touch with you. He may be able to give you some great advice on how to handle this from a political prospective.
  • Malcolm J. Brenner Thanks, Jeremy Olson, I will take any advice I can get, especially from political experts!
  • Jeremy Olson no problem Malcolm. Im in So Cal but I will support you in anyway possible. I’ll share your petition around as well. Lets get em!!!
  • Milla de Villiers When I first saw this petition I really thought it a novel approach so clicked it to read. Unfortunately I found some contradictions which could cause a lack of credibility if not rephrased. It says: 
    “In Florida, we like to see our dolphins swimming wild and free in our harbors and offshore waters. We do not harass them, capture them for entertainment purposes (…)” and then again “ Floridians do not support the brutal, cruel and lethal exploitation of dolphins for profit and do not support their capture for display in marine attractions. “
    I initially thought it a good approach to speak as a sister state, but in trying to find a travel agent that does not somehow support SeaWorld in its event programmes, I found some information proving that the wording in the petition is not strictly correct, since it says Floridians are anti captivity. They are not. By far. Here are the Floridian Captive Dolphin Facilities: 

    1. Aquatica
    2. Clearwater Marine Aquarium
    3. Discovery Cove
    4. Dolphin Connection
    5. Dolphin Cove
    6. Dolphin Research Center
    7. Dolphin’s Plus
    8. EPCOT: The Seas
    9. Gulfarium Marine Adv Park
    10. Gulf World Marine Park
    11. Marineland Dolphin Adv.
    12. Mote Marine Lab
    13. Miami Seaquarium
    14. SeaWorld Orlando
    15. Theater of the Sea

    Furthermore, there are many dolphins, killer whales/orcas/ belugas and pilot whales. Some of whom are wild caught not just ’rehabbed’, or coming from dubious origins. You can look at these official lists:

    Captive dolphins Us & Canada – Note that there are still wild captures in 2004. If you want Florida only – Fl stands for Florida, so one can pick them from the list. http://www.ceta-base.com/phinventory/us-canada.html 
    Captive Belugas – Almost all are wild caught: http://www.ceta-base.com/lugalogue/dl-northamerica.html
    Captive Orcas/ killer whales Most here are artificially inseminated and forced to breed: http://www.ceta-base.com/orcensus/kw-northamerica.html 
    And this page shows that all the pilot whales in SeaWorld Orlanda, Florida, come from the wild: http://www.ceta-base.com/phinventory/ph_swf.html

    www.ceta-base.com

    As of 05 April 2014 there are a total of 509 captive dolphins, excluding belugasSee More
  • Malcolm J. Brenner I will happily re-draft the petition if people want. However, I know one of these places — Mote Marine Lab — is a purely scientific facility studying dolphins who cannot be re-released to the wild. On the other hand, if you can come up with a better idea, let’s hear it!
  • Milla de Villiers One out of !5. And the ‘scientific’ aspect is heavily debated by the experts who, for instance, just fought for Morgan. Also, if you will only change the petition ‘if people want’ then politics are a good field. If however you want the petition to have veracity, credibility, dignity and the ability to persuade without purely emotional pressure built on illusion, then perhaps you may redraft. It is each one’s choice how he acts, and I do accept we all want change. Namaste
  • Gaye Hunter I’ve never actually counted them but Florida then has the most captive facilities in the US, three times more than any other state? Malcolm, were you maybe unaware of that when you wrote that Floridians do not support the brutal, cruel and lethal exploitation of dolphins for profit and do not support their capture for display in marine attractions?
  • Malcolm J. Brenner @Gaye Hunter: if you think there’s any equivalency between the two places, Florida and Taiji, perhaps you should visit both firsthand. I think my petition is a novel and creative way to approach the problem. I never said it represented the absolute solution or couldn’t be improved upon. I dislike these accusations of hypocrisy, feel like I’m being attacked for not being politically correct enough and wonder why I’m not being encouraged instead of discouraged?
  • Gaye Hunter Malcolm, I agree the petition is very creative, but petitions need to be factual and honest. You asked if anyone had a better idea. Bearing in mind that no demand = no supply, and that Florida would appear to be the captivity centre of the world, how about taking action to close some of those 15 facilities? It takes determination and perseverance as was found here in the UK, but our last dolphinarium closed over 20 years ago now. Some people were working on that while you were having sex with a captive dolphin in another Florida facility:~ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/…/malcolm-brenner-dolphin…
  • Steven Thompson Hmmm…huge tangent opening there…it’s an ad hominem attack on Malcolm…just because you really may disagree with Malcolm’s novel doesn’t mean the fact that an official relationship exists between Florida and Wakaya where Taiji is cannot be used in some way to motivate Floridians to connect more deeply to end the Taiji hunt or even captivity at their nearest Dolphin slave show. 

    The person who inspired virtually every Dolphin researcher, John C. Lilly, had his researchers in St. Thomas not discourage dolphin sexual behavior…even encourage it with Dolphins while both humans and dolphins were on LSD!! While it sounds bat-shit crazy to most of us then AND now, it got people thinking WAY WAY outside the lines to find out how to communicate inter-species. 

    I hope this petition idea motivates people to reach a point…not necessarily agreeing with it but, like has been suggested, maybe just motivating Floridians to be responsible for living in the biggest US Dolphin slave state. 

    It’s a big thing I just learned…I had no idea how popular and “normal” Dolphin slaving is in Florida.
  • Malcolm J. Brenner @ Gaye Hunter: I’d say what I feel about you, but I’d get thrown off this group, and I am more concerned with finding a solution to this problem than I am in casting my uninformed judgment on another person’s life experience, especially when it was so long ago.
  • Gaye Hunter I haven’t cast judgement on you at all Malcolm, I have simply presented facts including a suggestion for helping to save dolphins, since you asked if anyone had a better idea. I believe it was 2011 that you wrote your book about your sexual experiences with the captive, so presumably it isn’t a secret.
  • Malcolm J. Brenner @ Gaye Hunter: I have no love for any for captive facility in this state, with the exception of the aforementioned Mote Marine Lab run by my long-time friend Dr. Randall Wells. I would cheerfully see them all closed down and the dolphins rehabbed to a life in the wild if possible. My thoughts on one of these “Swim with Dolphins” places, the Dolphin Research Center, may be viewed here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq12juI4MDo

    An informal look at the culture of the swim-with-dolphins program at the non-profit Dolphin Research Center on Grassy Key, Florida.
  • Malcolm J. Brenner I am sorry that this has stopped being about saving dolphins and become about me. I did not come here to be abused and disparaged. I will leave now, and let you all get back to your important work of bickering, backstabbing, and name-calling. Sorry I interrupted, and don’t worry, i won’t let the door hit my ass on the way out. @ Jodie: It wasn’t back in 1971 honey, and for the record I have been smoking pot since 1969, and that happens to be illegal too.
  • Milla de Villiers Malcolm you ARE being encouraged. Encouraged to act in an informed, rational, dignified, credible way. This is VERY important to the cause. Anything with inflated claims that are so easily refuted will be seen as egotistical, inflated self-righteousness – whacktivism instead of activism, it does TREMENDOUS harm. What is wrong with having your facts straight? How can that work against the cause? Can it be of value…YES. It is encouragement to point out the weaknesses here among those who are working for change rather than letting a bomb of totally justifiable criticism burst later from outside. I won’t even go into the supposed ‘purely scientific’ sexual or hallucinogenic experiences that whoever may have had with dolphins, for whatever reason they used as justification, and however justified they may they have thought this to be, and however long ago that was. Gaye Hunter is not being nasty: she is doing you a favour. These ‘personal experiences’ are going to be mentioned by anyone who queries or refutes the petition as it stands, and it WILL be queried and refuted by anyone who really cares and who has the integrity to check the facts before they sign, ….because of the errors. However, had the Japanese in Taiji conducted the same at the Whale museum, it still would be used against them today. Point being: we cannot throw stones from glass houses. 
    So, does that mean we cannot work for change? Not at all. But we must come from a place based on understanding and facts. Therefore we encourage you to by all means work for change, but will point out where there are discrepancies, and points that can harm rather than help. . 
    I cannot ‘tell’ you what to do. You have choices. Along with these comes responsibility. One choice would be to still work on the Sister state thing, but in a positive, credible way. You can for instance point out to the governor that there is a global outcry at the drive hunts, and that these are fuelled by the captivity industry. As the Sister state, and given the facts that Florida is the state where dolphin captures happened throughout the 1980’s, where there were all sorts of experiments with them even sexual, and where even today there are more captivity centres than anywhere else in the US , and where many of the cetaceans are still wild caught or otherwise force-bred, Floridians can set an example to their Sister state by showing them that change is possible. Therefore close down these centres, and thereby show the world that there is no need to drive the demand. 
    It won’t be an easy petition to rewrite, but can be done.
  • Gaye Hunter My thoughts too Milla. It seems to me that Wakayama Prefecture is the perfect place for Florida to have a relationship with anyway, since it was from there that reps (SeaWorld) were sent to encourage Taiji to capture dolphins for them in the first place. Demonstrating to them now that change is possible by closing down their own captive facilities, seems to me a far better option than cutting ties. Too many people are looking for a quick fix but there isn’t one, it takes dedication and perseverance. 

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3fZ2dMdtu8
  • Mark Bamberry “”””Malcolm J. Brenner
    18 minutes ago
    Just got run off the Taiji Dolphin Action Group. Because we still have some captive dolphins here in Florida, they didn’t support my petition, and oh yeah, that whole sex-with-dolphins thing is just so totally WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS, ya know? Well I for one do not need the abuse any more. So glad to get out of there.””””

    He left
  • Milla de Villiers It is a huge pity when ego gets in the way of common senseMark. He did not want to hear or rethink, he wanted to be seen as a hero and have his ego stroked. I honestly think there is scope to work on the sister state thing, but that it has to be done based on facts, and incorporating these’….
  • Jodie Hillier I won’t say what I think because it will get deleted lol
  • Milla de Villiers It is also interesting to note yet another ‘gloss – his spin on reality “because we still have SOME captive dolphins…” Quite a few, I’d say. Most in the States. 15 facilities, wild caught too. Noooo that is not the reason. The reason is that the so-called ‘facts’ are fallacies. Since when has truth become a swear word in activism?
  • Mark Bamberry Sometimes it’s not the message but the messenger (ie Malcolm)
  • Milla de Villiers Sorry – had to dash, am snowed. Well I hope he nontheless gets over the ‘messenger’ block, as well as anything concerning any kind of interspecies communication or sexuality which is not in the petition as it stand for signing- that is another huge topic Hope he realises: that is not what is wrong on the petition…Florida is the Captivity Capital of the Us. So in some or other way the petition must be rephrased. Even if he just specifies that the people who sign the petition are against captivity, and drops the claim that Florida does not support it in any way. Enough said, let;s leave it up to him. Thank you for your understanding Mark & Steven.
  • Gaye Hunter Reflecting here because I’m very uncomfortable with some of what’s been written both here and elsewhere as a result. Given that Mr Brenner has no regrets about his sexual relationship with a captive dolphin, and has in fact stated he might consider another relationship with a dolphin in the future, “Under the right circumstances I would if I had the energy for it,” Brenner said. “I’m 40 years older now” ~ and yet Dr Denise Herzing commented “Glorifying human sexual interactions with other species is inappropriate for the health and well being of any animal, it puts the dolphin’s own health and social behavioural settings at risk” ~ is he the type of person who should be given any credence at all with any petition relating to dolphin welfare? This is an action group for used and abused dolphins, is it acceptable for a self-proclaimed zoophiliac to even be here?
    17 hours ago · Like · 8
  • Jodie Hillier Well said Gaye!!
    17 hours ago · Like · 3
  • Jeremy Olson he left the group. I will admit, i like the idea behind the petition though. I didnt know that Florida had #1 such a high captivity market and #2 such ties with Wakayama. id like to find a way to put some legs behind that petition, even if it needs to be rewritten by someone else
    17 hours ago · Like · 2
  • Jodie Hillier I was called a stuck up woman because i said it was wrong on every level to have sex with a Dolphin. Then all my comments were deleted.
    17 hours ago · Like · 3
  • Gaye Hunter I saw that Jodie… 

    I can’t agree Jeremy, people need to be acting in their own backyards. The major power of Floridians is in Florida not Wakayama. How can they have anything at all to currently say to Wakayama Prefecture, unless it’s to work together with them to end captivity as Milla said, rather than making an enemy of them?
    17 hours ago · Like · 3
  • Jodie Hillier And can i just point out this…..how can we take a man who is a part of this seriously? https://www.facebook.com/…/Make…/547708628659683

    Zoophilia is a person that loves and cares and respects animals but also has sexSee More
    Community: 179 like this
    17 hours ago · Like · 4
  • Lindsey Tornay Graves Gaye Hunter – thank you….just thank you!
    17 hours ago · Like · 4
  • Jeremy Olson Gaye, i agree, i think this is just the first ive heard of a US state having a sister relationship in Wakayama. Seems like we can tie this into the captivity market that Florida seems to have as well.
    17 hours ago · Like · 3
  • Milla de Villiers I think he is trying to get himself identified with John C Lilly, who is of course famous for his work with dolphins under what remains very controversial circumstances…sort of reflected glory, if you will. In the poorly made little video to which he gave the link higher up on this thread, he actually claims that Lilly offered him a job which he turned down as he thought Lilly was too ‘normal’…this may be true but the vid has only 2 likes and 1 comment and anyone watching it can get his perspective..so look and see. Interspecies communication is a very wide, interesting field. Sexuality is definitely part of communication, and interspecies sexuality is nothing new, even though seen as taboo, unacceptable and also illegal in most countries. Does that, together with a complete ignorance of facts as to what is happening in the real world, i.e. in Florida with captivity inspire confidence in someone as a protector of these beings? And the videos are all of swim with dolphins: the ones in the video above are in captivity. His conclusion on that one is that he does not know if the dolphins are not happy: as far as he could see they are, and the people are having a great time. So he has nothing against interspecies sexual communication with dolphins for scientific reasons because dolphins are polymorphous sexually, and seem to enjoy it. Well apparently so do goats. What would we say and how would we react if someone from Taiji said stop killing dolphins because I would like to put them in a swim with facility and explore sexual communications.?
    17 hours ago · Edited · Like · 3
  • Milla de Villiers The petition, if used, should actually retain ONLY the fact that there is this sisterhood thing. Using that as a point of departure, use it to build rather than to break. For instance, urge the governor to extend a hand in working out alternatives to captivity for both places. Set a time limit. Get international attention on this. Inform the public. Work out how to use existing facilities as rehab or how to give them make-overs..the possibilities are endless…and both sides retain honour, peace is achieved, and the CETACEANS win. Yes, this is going to be bloody hard. but easier than getting anywhere on lies
    17 hours ago · Edited · Like · 4
  • Gaye Hunter The petition as it stands is one of the most dishonest I’ve ever seen. The fact a zoophiliac is writing about how Floridians like to see their dolphins free is ludicrous given they’re currently supporting 15 facilities. Are there any protestors at these places? And I don’t mean one off protests, I mean weekly, week after week, educating the public and standing up to be counted. It doesn’t need to be hundreds of people either, half a dozen dedicated people at each facility can achieve a lot. Lobbying the authorities and government, is that being done? Attending council meetings? Challenging their regulations and laws? That’s how we ended captivity in the UK. I don’t understand whatsoever why any dolphin advocate in Florida would even have time to be thinking about writing a petition to Japan on any subject, when there’s so much work to do on their home turf. Think globally, act locally. Unless people do that, Florida and other states too, will have captives for decades to come.
    16 hours ago · Like · 5
  • Jeremy Olson I agree Milla de Villiers. I like your thoughts on how to go about this. It’s a big task indeed.
    16 hours ago · Like · 3
  • Jodie Hillier Im with you Gaye.
    16 hours ago · Like · 3
  • Jeremy Olson I never knew Florida had 15 facilities. Lots of work to be done there.
    16 hours ago · Like · 3
  • Jodie Hillier Can i make a suggestion….considering we have a petition floating around from a zoophiliac that has cause for concern. Wouldnt it be easier for someone to make another petition with all the points that have been made here. That way everyone would be happy with what is in it. That way we know that it comes from a true activist. Not from someone who has sex with animals!
    16 hours ago · Like · 5
  • Milla de Villiers Gaye the petition must be to the Governor to change locally, then the hand can be extended, not before…the people of Florida need to buy into change
    16 hours ago · Edited · Like · 4
  • Gaye Hunter It’d be better not to have a petition at all I feel, and for the authorities of Florida and Wakayama to be discussing the issues. Perhaps a well informed Floridian advocate/activist could talk to their authorities. Even with social media now, it’s still the case that most achievements for dolphins happen behind the scenes, not on here.
    16 hours ago · Like · 3
  • Milla de Villiers Hear you loud and clear.
    16 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Kathleen McGarr I stupidly signed it… I didn’t realize… 
    16 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Gaye Hunter Don’t worry Kathleen, I doubt it’s going anywhere.
    15 hours ago · Like · 3
  • Sarah Del Vecchio why is this post not deleted?
  • Steven Thompson TDAG members are now advising activists in San Antonio and in Tenerife about doing protests there. It looks like it’s time to encourage and support protests at each Dolphin slave location in the States, especially Florida, the Birthplace of Worldwide DSee More
    15 hours ago · Like · 4
  • Steven Thompson This post is now closed. Please share Florida action or petition ideas in the new post above on the UK model.
    15 hours ago · Like · 3

 

“Witch Hazel”

Wednesday, March 5th, 2014

This is about a woman who came to stay with me for five days.  During that time she fell in love with me and confessed to me her deepest secrets, which I am not about to reveal here, but I did not fall in love with her.  I mean, I liked her, but there were several problems.

First, she was yet another witch, and as those of you who have read a few of these know, my two wives were witches.  They occupied a total of 18 years of my life, and although they were quite different people I have given up on witchcraft.  Like all other faiths it only offers false hope of change, because magic works no better than prayer or wishful thinking.  Second, she believed some really crazy stuff, even for a witch.  Like this: fluoride is added to the water supply not to make our teeth cavity resistant but to make us stupider and more easily controlled.  By who?  Why, the Big Bad Government, who apparently, through Republican and Democratic administrations alike, want us to be dumbed-down and docile.  Removing fluoride entirely from her life, she said, gave her telekinetic powers!  I am not making this up.

Third, there was her figure, which was rotund and pretty grossly overweight, for her height.  I never thought I’d fall for someone like that, but I did, which I think was an indication of just how desperate I was not only for sex but just for some affection, let alone love.  Fourth, there was the sex.  Anything seemed to set her off; she had an orgasm just from me playing with her nipples at one point.  But the sex for me sucked, I couldn’t climax.  What that means to me is, on some level we were not connecting; something wasn’t right.

Fifth, there was the intensity of her adulation.  After sleeping with me for three days she posted me as her “soulmate” on FB when I could never reciprocate those feelings.  I wanted to like this woman, I really did, crap, I wanted to love her but I just didn’t.  Finally, there was her cooking, which although delicious was all Southern-inspired, loaded with bacon grease and butter.  At one point, she used a whole stick of butter to fry a breast of chicken.  If I ate like that all the time, I’d weigh 300 lbs.  And as she said, “I’ve got to have my meat.”

When I realized I couldn’t feel the same way about her that she did about me, I grew depressed and wary.  The last thing I needed was a big scene.  Fortunately, it never came.  She was moving to Tennessee, and after five days it was all over.  I called her a few times but finally had to admit to myself that I was just fooling myself, and her.  So I called her up last night to try to tell her, as honestly but as gently as possible, that it was over, only to find she had already reached that conclusion herself – smart woman! – and left me a private message about it on FB.

Nevertheless, I feel kind of sad.

So goodbye, Witch Hazel (not her real name).  I wish you only well.  Sorry things didn’t work out, maybe better luck next time.  Maybe in Tennessee you’ll find somebody who can appreciate you more than I did.  I hope so.

Sister states no more!

Saturday, February 1st, 2014

I’ve created a petition asking Florida’s governor, Rick Scott, and Brad Piepenbrink, director of the state’s “Sister City/Sister State” program, to drop our sister state relationship with Wakayama Prefecture in Japan, where the town of Taiji is located.  This seems like the most effective, constructive and productive way I can think of to send a message that massacring dolphins, and selling their young ones into lives of slavery, is unacceptable and must cease.

It doesn’t matter if you live in Florida or not, as this is an international petition.  If you agree, please sign it AND SHARE AS WIDELY AS POSSIBLE!  It’s been up for about 18 hours as I write this and only has 33 signers.  I sent it out to far more people than that, virtually everyone on my FaceBook friends list, so I’m wondering what’s going on.  I also alerted the local press and TV stations, but no results.  It certainly seemed like a good alternative to my previous plans, but I’m wondering now how many people actually read this blog.  If you do, would you please leave a comment or something so I know?  I’m beginning to feel like a Biblical prophet, a lone voice crying in the wilderness. Thanks.

Soul Sickness: Taiji

Wednesday, January 22nd, 2014

There is an aching sickness in my soul no earthly medicine can cure.  I want to vomit, and I cannot sleep.  I lie awake at night, staring into the darkness, and the scenes of horror flash through my mind.  I can imagine I hear their voices, their screams, underwater… water turning crimson with their blood.  Above the water, I hear the callous laughter of the heartless murderers who call themselves fishermen.  They fished out the waters, and then when their catch dried up they chose to blame the dolphins, so they killed them, and then they found the dolphins were worth more than the fish themselves, so they stopped catching fish and started catching the dolphins instead.  And the ones they could not sell to the hundreds of dolphinariums springing up across Asia, they butchered and fed to the children of Japan as lunch meat, even though their flesh was poisoned with mercury and a toxic brew of chemicals dumped into the dolphins’ home by unregulated industries that didn’t give a damn.

They swim in the ocean, so they’re just fish, right?  And what do the murderers call this abomination?  “Tradition.”

These were the kind of thoughts that fueled what I now recognize was a nervous breakdown over the weekend.  When I saw that little albino dolphin the Taiji fishermen caught, the one Paul Watson has dubbed “Shuojo” (“Bambi” in Japanese) and everybody else is calling “Angel,” something inside me changed.  It didn’t feel like I “snapped,” but more like I had irretrievably bent under the influence of a thousand tiny blows.  My intense grief and sadness turned into a cold, murderous rage, and I began plotting serious violence at the Japanese Consulate in Miami.  Please understand that although I have the emotional stability of nitroglycerine, I do not consider myself a violent or dangerous man.  I do not own any firearms, but if I did – and I was planning to acquire them – I would have been headed for Miami.

In my mind, I became the hero of my own action movie.  I justified my blood-lust by telling myself I was single-handedly and unilaterally declaring war on the government of Japan, which issues the permits for the dolphin hunts.  I was figuring out how to overcome the security at the consulate, and I was ready to injure or kill anybody I had to to achieve my goal, which was killing Shinji Nagashima, the consul.  My reasoning for this was purely economic: I believed the Japanese would quit hunting dolphins only if the cost became too high.  Literally, I was planning to raise the cost of a dead dolphin to an unacceptable level on a pile of human bodies.

If I say that Japan is a racist and xenophobic culture, does that make me a racist, or am I just stating plain facts?  The Taiji fishermen, who play the “poor me” card, drive sports cars and luxury SUV’s on the money they’ve made ripping baby dolphins from their mothers and selling them around the world.  As Ric O’Barry found out when he investigated a history of Taiji at the local library, there were NO DOLPHIN DRIVE HUNTS BEFORE 1933, and they weren’t conducted on a regular basis until the 1970’s, when the growing demand for captive dolphins spurred the captures. The captured dolphins weren’t being killed for meat until the 1980’s.

But fortunately, on Tuesday morning, something somebody said to me on FaceBook shocked me out of my rage, and I collapsed in tears.  Good thing I have a compassionate dolphin-loving friend nearby, Cay, who listened to my story and gave me some counseling.  Here’s why: Japan is in the grips of an ultra-right-wing government, the Nationalists, who have allied themselves with the whale hunters and dolphin-killers.  The Nationalists claim this is all “traditional” brutality and besides, they say it’s no worse than what happens in a slaughterhouse.  As anybody who has seen the videos live streamed from the cove by Sea Shepherd, it is not only worse, it is much worse.

But even if it was done “humanely,” the killing of dolphins is unacceptable because they are self-aware beings, able to recognize themselves in a mirror.   Basically, to me, dolphins are people, capturing them is slavery and killing them is murder.  Next week, I am going to talk to a professional counselor about this mood disorder and what might be done about it.  Frankly, I frightened myself, and I don’t want a repeat of this to happen no matter what the provocation.  If you find you’re having similar thoughts to mine, please don’t hesitate to contact me and I will try to talk you out of it.

 

 

“Banned Books Week” 2013 leaves author disappointed, again

Monday, September 23rd, 2013

PUNTA GORDA, Fla. – In America, it’s “Banned Books Week,” a celebration of reading books that somebody, somewhere, doesn’t want you to read.  And once again, disappointment has come to visit Malcolm J. Brenner, author of Wet Goddess: Recollections Of A Dolphin Lover.

“You’d think that with its graphic depictions of drug abuse, psychedelic shape-shifting, scatology and inter-species sex, somebody, somewhere, would find a reason to ban Wet Goddess,” Brenner complained from his filthy, roach-infested trailer while waiting for a dope deal to go through, “but no, when it comes to MY work, the religious prudes and sex-negative fascists are all looking the other way, apparently.  Why, I have no idea.  It’s been on the market for almost four years now.”

Brenner hopes that a really crude and vicious attack on his novel by a group like Focus On The Family would propel him into the upper tier of exalted writers.

“A nasty ban, or even some robust censorship, would place me in the ranks with Toni Morrison (Beloved), Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club) and Khaled Hosseini (The Kite Runner), all of whom have had their books attacked and banned for relatively trivial and obscure reasons,” Brenner said.  “For a tight-assed, conservative, Republican Bible-thumper, Wet Goddess should make steam come out of their ears but no, my book keeps getting ignored.  It’s really strange and kind of disappointing.”

Banned Books Weed, er, Week, is sponsored by the American Library Association.  (Sorry, I’ve got something else on my mind.)

1K Copies in print. So what?

Wednesday, September 4th, 2013

Despite the frustrated and violent tone of the previous post, I hope no one takes it as a serious threat.  It wasn’t a plan of operation, it was more a venting of my utter exasperation at the annual ritualized dolphin slaughter in Taiji, Japan.

Now it looks like I shouldn’t even give a damn about Taiji’s 2,000+ dolphins, compared to what the U.S. Navy wants to do in several oceanic combat theaters around the world.  Why don’t we just declare war on dolphins and whales, since we’re going to be killing and deafening them in such large numbers anyway?  Seems like the Brits did that, accidentally at least, during the Falklands War in the 1980’s.

During WWII, according to a book I read back in the 1980’s, the U.S. military thought its bombers in Alaska had destroyed “hundreds” of Japanese mini-subs prowling the Aleutian Islands until some intelligence officer got out his slide rule and figured out there was no way Japan could produce and field that many mini-subs… our planes had been bombing whales.  And to this day, whales in Alaska still pop their heads out of water and look up at the sky, puzzling marine mammalogists who insist that “whales have no natural enemies that attack from the sky.”  They are, of course, right, technically speaking, because a bomber armed with depth charges isn’t a “natural enemy.”

And of course there is my own documentation of the U.S. Navy’s 1950’s defense of the Icelandic fishing industry against the savage predations of ravenous killer whales (who were, as we now know, probably just likely eating the seals that ate the fish.)

I could go on, but I’m sorry I started on this depressing riff.  I didn’t mean to kill your buzz.  By the title, I meant to celebrate the fact that the current press run of 50 copies marks 1,000 copies of Wet Goddess in print, which means about 970 sold, as I sent out about 30 as complimentary or press copies.  (I am the world’s worst bookkeeper.)

And I am indeed happy that my novel has sold so many copies.  I’m told there’s a certain magical cachet about the kilosale, to coin a new phrase, that attracts potential publishers.  Like the smell of blood in the water to a shark, it inspires a hunger for better things to come.  But the fact is, WG is selling painfully slowly.  Hopefully some of the interest in Growing Up In The Orgone Box (assuming there is any) will inspire readers to check out my earlier work.  In any event, we shall see.

Angry, racist blacks hate WG

Saturday, June 29th, 2013

Occasionally I Google “wet goddess” just to see what people are saying about it.  Part of this is for my own survival, as I want to know if anybody is thinking about stalking or harming me.  Well, I got a earful at the blog diaryofanegress.

Acting as if zoophilia were unknown in her race (without citing any evidence, of course), the blogger, who calls herself “Truth,” uses my experience with the dolphin to denigrate my race and white people in general, and the 45 commenters jump right in.  Here’s the conclusion of “Truth’s” post:

Illusion is all apart of the system of white supremacy. When we begin to see these “people” for who and what they are, right from their own lips, we begin to remove that shroud of omnipotence. Beastiality has been apart of European culture since the dawn of time. Syphilis is evidence of that. See who and what you’re dealing with beneath that leather bound briefcase and those 300 dollar wingtip shoes. Beneath that home with the white picket fence and that position that draws awe and undue respect.

See the enemy…and fear not for they are just an illusion.

The commenters accuse me of having “Neanderthal DNA,” which in fact I do.  A recent genetic analysis, which my daughter paid for, shows that I have 3.2% Neanderthal DNA, slightly higher that the 2.7% that is the Caucasian average.  I was a little surprised to find this out, considering that I am so NOT built like a Neanderthal.  I could use a little more muscle mass, frankly.

But what really bothers me is that here is a person, probably, in her own way, a good person, who is angry about some things she has every right to be angry about: the continuing marginalization and widespread oppression of blacks in America, their generally lower place on the socio-economic ladder, and the veiled racism that is so prevalent in American society, both north and south.  And she takes it out on me, uses me as a whipping boy for my race because of my supposedly “degenerate” behavior.

“300 dollar wingtip shoes”? “white picket fence”? Oh Truth, honey, you don’t know me very well, do you?  But that doesn’t matter to your agenda of racial hate, does it?

When I was growing up, my parents were Kennedy-era liberals.  They taught me that all people were equal, regardless of race.  Not “equal in the eyes of God,” because they didn’t believe in God.  Not “equal in the eyes of the law,” because let’s face it, the law most often favors the rich oppressors over the poor and downtrodden.  Just equal, in absolute terms, and I still believe that.  Nobody gets to pick the color of their skin (except maybe the late, poor, lamentable Michael Jackson).

I grew up in the Civil Rights era.  I remember visiting the south and seeing the segregated drinking fountains and bathrooms in places like Virginia, the Carolinas and Georgia, and I vividly remember the feelings of evil that inspired in me, because the facilities for “Coloreds” were always unclean and in a state of disrepair compared to those for “Whites.”  I remember the demonstrations on the TV news, the billy clubs and beatings, the fire hoses and police dogs unleashed on helpless, non-violent demonstrators by the white overlords of Dixie, and George Wallace, the epitome of institutionalized racism, handing out axe handles on the steps of the Georgia statehouse.  Those were awful, villainous times, and we have come a long way since then.  But make no mistake, we still have a long way to go, as the recent, ill-informed Supreme Court decision to end the Voting Rights Act demonstrates.

My parents brought black children from the New York City ghetto to spend the summer with us through the Herald-Tribune Fresh Air Fund.  It may have been misguided token liberalism, but at least they tried to make somebody’s life demonstrably better.

So, in the end, it saddens me to see this rage, this racial hatred, focused on me, because my skin color doesn’t really matter.  The fact that I was in love with the dolphin, and she with me (as demonstrated most clearly in her post-coital behavior) was the story I wanted to tell, but someone filled with anger has chosen to stereotype me, to hold me up as an example of the “degenerate” nature of the Caucasian race.

Do I hate Truth for doing this?  No, on the contrary, I feel sorry for her.  Whatever she has experienced because of her color, I hope she finds some peace and sanctuary for her tormented, racist soul.

If anyone is interested, “Cynical Afrikan” also lambastes me as degenerate white scum.

Small steps

Wednesday, April 24th, 2013

I have to take what I can get.  Some days my progress is measured with a laser rangefinder, others with a micrometer.  Lately it’s been more of the latter, but this morning I managed to send proposals for “Growing Up In The Orgone Box” to two more agents I hadn’t solicited before.  That’s because they wanted an exclusive submission, and at the time I was submitting to about 40 agents at once.  So I left them out… until now.  There are probably a few more agents out there I could query too, new ones who didn’t make it into the 2013 edition of Agents and Publishers.  Or chose to stay out, for some reason.

Like I say, it’s not much, but if it gets “Orgone Box” published it will have been worth the effort, don’t you think?

The optimism I expressed in the last blog has faded considerably as Demand Media Services hasn’t passed, or paid me for, the second and third stories I submitted.  It seems to be taking them an unaccountably long time to edit the stories and either publish them or send them back for a re-write.  This also means I haven’t gotten paid, and the end of the month is rushing at me.

The way it works is, the first three stories are probationary; after that I can have up to 10 story titles in a queue, and I can also try to write about topics other than culture.  But I am beginning to have my doubts as to whether I can actually make a living writing this way.  At the most, it’s a little supplement on the side of something else… but what?

Same with iStock.  I sent them a third photo for approval Friday a week ago.  You’d think they could get around to telling me whether it qualifies or not.  How long does it take these people to make up their freaking minds?  Here it is:

Fishermen set out on Charlotte Harbor in search of their day's catch.

Fishermen set out on Charlotte Harbor in search of their day’s catch.

It’s not an award winning shot, but it’s suitably generic enough you could use it anywhere, even for a cover if you wanted to.

It seems astonishing to me that just a few years ago, say 2005 or even 2007, when I worked for Babcock Ranch, I was still capable of doing hard, heavy physical work in the summer.  I did a photo shoot for Harbor Style in August, 2008 while having an episode of racing heartbeat (and turned in some damn good work in spite of it).  I went to the ER immediately afterward, and they told me my heart rate was 170 bpm before they brought it down.

Now, I can barely convince myself to go outdoors in the heat of the day, much less do stuff like that.  I strained my right shoulder the other day just carrying a couple of gallon water jugs into the house, that was the shoulder that got separated when I took a fall while I was trying to walk Cay’s late dog, Keiko, a couple of years ago.  I wasn’t able to convince a judge I’m disabled, but in many ways I feel like I am.  And yet I wonder how much my need for sleep and oblivion is psychological?

I’ve got to make self-employment work.  I really have no other options.

Turned down, again

Monday, March 18th, 2013

Well, word from the agent is in, and it isn’t what I was hoping for – but after four months, what did I expect?  Earlier today I got an e-mail back from Robert Guinsler, the agent at Sterling-Lord Literistic in NYC, saying that he’d pass on representing me.  In short, it took him 120 days to make up his mind “No.”  Unless, as one fellow writer put it, he was just “keeping me in his back pocket,” perhaps hoping that I would sell Growing Up In The Orgone Box on my own, at which point he could leap in and represent me without doing any real work.  I don’t really know.  In fact, I am willing to admit I don’t know fuckall about people in general, but I do know that my run of bad luck continues.  You’d think that once in a while, things would break my way, but the gods seem to have other plans.  If I said I’m not bummed out, I’d be lying.

So here’s my current situation: I am completely out of copies of Wet Goddess.  I think there are 50 more waiting down at the printer, but I don’t have the money to pick them up.  In fact, I don’t have any money at all, and the end of the month is swiftly approaching.

There are a couple more agents and a couple more publishers that I can try with Orgone Box, but frankly I don’t hold out much more hope.  I feel exhausted and beat-up, and I don’t want to self-publish another book, that would just dilute my efforts to market Wet Goddess – like that’s going so well, ha-ha.

I guess it’s time to start looking for a job, probably long past time.  It’s not that I don’t want to work, it’s just that I’ve had such dreadful experiences working for other people that, frankly, the prospect frightens me.  From my history I know I am a victim of “intermittent explosive disorder,” which has the same initials as “improvised explosive device,” for much the same reason: You don’t know when it’s going to go off, who’s going to trigger it or who’s going to be injured when it happens.

I wish I felt happy and cheerful, but I don’t, so here’s something that might cheer you up and which you should listen to anyhow if you like dolphins.  It’s an interview with Dr. Randall Wells, director of the Sarasota Dolphin Research Program, and the guy that I envy most of anyone in the whole world.  More power to you, Randy.